All is well and I'm a spaz

life is back to cheery rainbows and smiles! I ended up with an overall 88% in Block one of Nursing. I was a little disappointed to lose my A but I had one test during October that pulled my grade way down. My teacher actually called me on Thursday, told me that I was a spaz and that I did great on my final:) I love my instructors! I don't know why I freaked out so much. It had to be hormonal...but I think I blame too many things on hormones. The sleep really helped as well as the three hour bath, that's right THREE hour bath!

Now I can't wait to get down to Mesa for the next week! I get to see my sissy:)

I have to give a little love to my sister Jana....

She is the absolute best sister. I can't believe how blessed I am to have my best friend be my sister. Really! I can hang out with her all the time and it never gets old.

She gets me. We're both crazy emotional and that's one of my favorite things.

She is possibly the only other person that can love me as much as my Mommy did.

She cares SO much and lets me know it all the time.

She's freakin hysterical! Lets face it, she is so funny with the perfect amount of corky.

She's beautiful. She knows how to dress and always has. We are pretty much the same size and I love to steal her cute clothes...and jewelry...and perfume...and hair decor. Tee Hee, Sorry bout that Sis! At least I usually give it back...right? And now I ask before I steal:)

I love you Sister, I see you soon!

Mwah!

I need Tums or a strong sedative!

Beware: Use of Harsh passive aggressive capital lettering, proceed with caution

Ok so today was the last and final..."final" of the semester. I thought that I had everything under control. I felt good about what I had studied and confident that everything would turn out great. Well now that it is all over and done with I am about to die because I don't know how I did! UGH!!! Alright so I began the test and within the first few questions the panic set in...Holy CRAP this is the hardest test I have taken so far. I kinda wanted to calmly put down my pencil, walk over to the wall and start banging my head against it. I tried to just let that thought slip away and I focused on only being positive. I needed positive vibes to get through this. Then about question 87 I cracked.......I"M GONNA FAIL! I swear on everything Every dang answer on Every dang question is the right one! But which one is the MOST right AAAAAAAA!!!!!! Shoot me now or NCLEX questions shall be the death of ME! Again I had to force myself to calm the heck down and finish the test, and for heaven sakes be POSITIVE JULIE!
I finished and looked over it a few times and then handed in my future. Honestly I have NO clue how I did...and that is freakin Terrifying! I have no way of finding out my score until tomorrow afternoon. I am such a wreck. WHy? I don't know. I know that there is nothing I can do, what is done is done.
RAWRRRRRRRRR!
That's it, I am taking a Tylenol PM and going to sleep, Yes sleep will be my coping mechanism.
and my Diagnosis is
Acute psychosis, related to Extreme test anxiety, As evidenced by: Screaming tantrum on the floor.
I'm OUT!

Last Clinical of block one!

Today was the last early morning clinical of my first semester of nursing! What a day and way to end things. I think that every crazy, exciting, awful, thing happened to me today and I am having mixed feelings about all of it. I cried, laughed, and got thoroughly confused. I guess I would say that I ended this semesters clinical rotation with a bang.
First of all, I had a patient that was at the end stages and was expected to go at any point. He was first admitted with a broken hip that he had sustained during a previous fall. From that point on his health took a rapid down turn and he has only deteriorated since. As I began my initial assessment he was completely unresponsive. He would mumble yes and no but would not open his eyes. During the assessment I found problem after problem. Pressure ulcers, pitting edema, extreme skin breakdown, UTI, COPD, liver failure, infected surgical site, ingrown toenails, A-fib, ect....and in between labored breathing he managed to tell me that he was having extreme chest pain. It was heart breaking to witness, and even more heart breaking to not be able to directly treat him. As a student, I am at the will of the nurse and Doctor in charge of his care. I gather the information, report it, and then ponder the care plan I would implement. A back rub, therapeutic communication, bed bath, and sympathy was all I could do. It’s hard to feel useless.
Along with caring for my patient I was very busy with all sorts of calls! Every time I would walk out into the hall something crazy was happening.
Now....many of the situations were....hmmm how can I say this to all not desensitized by the medical world... Haha I guess I can’t. I’ll just say (figuratively) I was up to my eyeballs in BM, blood, and C-diff. If you don’t know what all that means....be grateful and don’t ask unless you’re prepared to know. I came as close as ever to throwing up.
I also had the strangest situation today that made me laugh. Between "Code Browns" I passed a room and the patient inside started screaming for me. "NURSE NURSE COME QUICK!" I ran in and his phone was ringing. He said "Hurry! Answer my phone!" thrown off by this I said "Um alright, uh, What is your name?" he told me and so I answered his phone saying
Me-"Hello, this is -----‘s room"
Man on the phone- "WHO ARE YOU!!!??"
Me-"My name is Julie and I am a student nurse who is helping take care of -----"
Man- " Well that’s all fine and dandy but ----- has to pee! He REALLY has to pee!"
...dumbfounded, Me-" I will help him get to the bathroom then,... thank you?"
Man-" Ok, I will be calling back in five minutes to check!" *Click*
Side note- I have never seen or taken care of this particular patient before. I don’t have the slightest clue about him let alone his diagnosis.
So I begin to talk to the patient and I realize that he is not making any sense at all. I was almost certain he had dementia. He said that he needed a urinal and sent me looking all over his room for the hidden urinal. Crystal, one of my fellow student nurses was passing the room at the time and so I asked her if she could try to locate another one for me. I was looking as fast as I could because I knew that the poor guy was straining to hold it and the Pee patrol was going to call back. Minutes later Crystal came back with a large cup, and told me that it was all she could find. Apparently every other urinal was hiding too! I figured oh well, critical thinking at its best. After all this I sit him up, get him ready, and ....He miraculously doesn’t have to go anymore.
Are you freaking kidding me?
Ah the joys of geriatrics :) I didn’t stay long enough to see if indeed the pee patrol called back but it was defiantly a funny experience
Anyway, this is all I have time to write about for now. A lot of other things happened but I don’t really want to get into that now. I am shaken by it for some reason but perhaps I will write about it tomorrow. It was a sad experience and I am still absorbing it. At the end of today I feel like I have learned a ton and I am grateful that I had the opportunities to grow.
Now its back to studying....

Mine life, Nursingness, and such stuff :)

I am now over half way done with my first semester of nursing school. I just went back and looked at the first few blogs that I wrote and it already feels like that was such a long time ago. Just this last weekend I was able to attend a nursing conference and it got me so Jazzed! Over 400 nusing students and Nurses showed up. The NSNA is the National Student Nurses Association, and they put on this conference. They do them twice a year all over the country but this mid-year conference just happened to be in PHX AZ! I was able to learn about so many different opportunities and specialties that interested me. One opportunity that stood out was were I could attend grad school! Well it was a place that I had never thought of going but it seemed to be the perfect fit. Where might this be????

VANDERBILT school of nursing in Nashville Tennessee! I would get my master of science in nursing in 2 1/2 years and then spend another year 1/2 for my DNP (doctorate of Nursing Practice) in Midwifery or Neonatal Nurse practitioner. I haven't decided which of those two specialities I want to go into. Do I want more of the pregnancy, labor, and delivery? Or do I want the delivery and the important care of critically ill or high risk newborns? I want them both.... so how do I choose? Well I have a few years to figure that out, and I'm sure my OB rotations in the hospital will help. Here are some pictures from the conference

This is Me standing with the CEO of the American Red Cross!! Talk about an incredible woman! One among many great Nurses to attend the conference.

This was the board of Directors and a picture of Lisa and I.






So that's my plan as of semester one. I have no idea where life will take me but it sure feels good to have this as my goal. Since the first time I thought about becoming a Nurse practitioner I have felt a pull towards it. I feel like a little kid again and if you ask me what I want to be when I grow up...It's a Neonatal Nurse Practitioner! I looked at my life and I thought, wow, the sky is the limit! I can be anything I want to be. I have absolute freedom. I am not married, I don't have kids and so right now I can go for it all.... and I am going to.

On to other things, Halloween was last weekend and I had a lot of fun. The conference put on a Halloween party Friday night so I was able to dress up twice:) I was Freddy Kruger this year.

I got Balloon Boy! And Wolverine!
On the actual Halloween I went to the Phoenix Zoo and helped my friends with a haunted house. It wasn't really a haunted house though, It was set up to be an exhibit of dangerous creatures. You walk in and you think that you are going to see a terrifying deadly monster and as soon as they drop the curtain to reveal it....the cage is empty and The monster had escaped! They rush everyone out and then the rest of the exhibit is running and trying to get away from the monster that is on the loose! It was really fun to be apart of it. I scared so many people, and a made a few kids cry...Not on purpose though! I felt bad and so I broke character a few times to sooth young kids being forced by their parents to continue on. After the Zoo, I teamed up with Elena and we went out dancing. We stopped by Mern's on the way and saw All the Besties, it was so good to see Meagan, Roy, Zach, Kara, Lindz, and Mern. I love those kids! Elena and I had a lot of fun and we stayed out til after 2 am. Good times!

Well that's the update for now. I am just learning to put pictures on here so I hope they all turn out!

I'd rather blog

I would much rather sit here and blog. I could be studying for the huge exam that i have in two hours, but I am going to take a little break and blog.
I had an awesome weekend! I have been so buried in nursing school and it felt wonderful to go down to Mesa and see so many of the people I love. I thought, as I was flying across the water on roommate Lindsey's jet ski, Life ROCKS! The day could not have been more beautiful and I felt so free. Mern and I had a blast riding around for a few hours, And she gave me the best mental image to take back to Cottonwood- Imagine a whole Mern flying about ten feet over the top of the jet ski! You had better hold on when you are ridding with me:) I also got my hair done, FINALLY! I was going nuts because I had about two inches of re-growth. My sissy gave me a massage, and I loved seeing her. She taped the season premier of Grey's anatomy for me...only the best show ever created. Micky and Tyson gave me lots of hugs and kisses, i love those two so much. Micky is the cutest little girl and I just want to cuddle her all the time!
Roy cooked everyone food on Saturday night and it was heavenly!
It was such a joy to see Meagan and her beautiful baby belly.
I got to go to the Temple with Scott:)
The relief society broadcast was inspiring and much needed.
Glen bought Crispy creams for Jana and the family and let me help devour them!
I did practice wedding hair for Kristen, and she looked absolutely beautiful.
Ate sushi Friday night for the first time in weeks!!!! Ah it was fantastic
SLEPT IN!
Played, laughed, and talked with my Nana until 12:30 am. and I was the one falling asleep. She kept ME up lol.
I also realized that my Nana is more flexible than I am....yeah i know! She can lift her leg up higher than I can. 82 years old and she can pull her leg up to her chest! I was SHOCKED. That's what we were doing during the early hours of the morning hahaha.

All in all it was the best time. Well now I better get back at it, time to study. I am doing what i have to so that I can do what I WANT to:)

Wishbone underwear!

This is exactly why I love Elena so much! I have the greatest friends imaginable! Love you Lena, and Mern! This is for you!

Hallelujah!

Can I get an Amen?

Well... funny story. I am taking the book of Revelation as my institute class this semester and my Dad is also taking Revelation on Wednesday night at his church. I really wanted to go to his class and check out (compare) the two classes. I was very excited to express what I have learned through my experiences in the Mormon faith. This church is the Verde valley Baptist church that my father has been attending for the last four years. I have only gone with him once before and that was about a year ago. Anyway, we had planned to go together at 6:30 Wednesday nights. We got to the church a little early and so my Dad decided to show me around. He took my into the HUGE amphitheater style chapel or the main worship hall where the choir was practicing. They were just starting and getting seated but then the choir director saw me and came over to see who I was. I introduced myself and he knew my Dad and so they began to talk and chit chat, then my father mentions that I am a singer!

"Oh wonderful! You should join in tonight we would love to have you!" The director says

" Really, anyone can join and we always love new voices."

Alright, I thought, plus it sounded like fun and I love to sing so hey, why not? I told him my experience with choir and doing musical theater just in the context of making small talk, and with in a matter of seconds he had a folder of about thirty pieces of music with my name on it! I timidly sat down trying to blend in...lol, not a chance with this group. I turned into the NEW member of the choir who is going to be living here for the next two years so lets give her a big welcome which consists of me standing up, giving a bio, and being individually introduced to the entire choir!!....oh no....what have I gotten myself into.

The next hour and a half was awesome, I learned, Bring me to the table, Big mighty God, let the redeemed, and a few others that I can't remember. All of them accompanied by a piano, a guitar, a bass, and a complete drum set. I think I was on the verge of busting up laughing the entire time simply by the fact that I am a devout Mormon gettin down with some rockin awesome Baptists! If they only knew...I not sure what they would do but they said that anyone was welcome haha. Everyone was extremely kind to me and I had a really great time. As the night was ending a guy came up to me who had overheard my singing and asked if i would be interested in auditioning for the "Praise Team". The praise team is a group of four or so people who sing solos every other Sunday. It was quite an honor that he asked me to audition but I had no idea what to say. I kinda panicked and said that I would have to get back to him about it.

A BIG part of me really wants to do it. I would love the experience of singing to a large congregation 2 to 3 times a month but I am missing a Key factor....I'M NOT BAPTIST! lol I have seriously thought about this and it wouldn't interfere with my church at all. They have church early in the morning and I have Sacrament at one:) Tee Hee

SO I am asking you...I need input... is this a bad idea? Would it distract me from the spirit? What if the roll was reversed and a Baptist wanted to join ward choir? Am i being deceiving? I would gladly tell anyone that I am Mormon, but what if they don't ask? I really had a wonderful time singing with the choir, and it gives me an activity to participate in outside of school. Believe me when I tell you that Cottonwood rarely offers something wholesome to do with your time if you are young and single. I felt very refreshed after the practice Wednesday night...but is it something I should do? What do you think about it?

Haha, oh goodness, like I said never a dull moment.

Please give my advice..

Sincerely,

the newest Mormon member of the Baptist choir lol

Life is Grand!

I have just finished the first week of nursing school! It is so awesome and I know that I am going to love it. All week I have felt like I'm in the right place, like I truly belong. I have been thinking a lot about medical school or becoming a Nurse Practitioner. I have decided that as long as I am single, I am going to continue my education. A family would be my first choice but I don't really have control in some of those aspects. I have had a lot of dreams lately about babies. My babies, other people's babies, and being pregnant. Let me tell you, it's a stress dream when you find out that you're pregnant even though there is NO POSSIBLE way you could be! Lol Anyway, I want to take my education to the max. Though I will always put having a family and children first, I want to continue pursuing medicine as long as possible.
For the past few years I wanted to get married so desperately. I longed for the companionship of a husband. Someone to invest everything in. I even thought I knew exactly who I wanted that person to be. I would have given anything to be with him two years ago. I knew with all my heart that I wanted to marry him, so you can imagine my shock when I found out that he didn't quite feel the same...understatement of the year. Still, I thought that I couldn't love someone THAT much and not have it work out in the end. After all he did want to end up with me...just several years down the road...Right? I put myself back together and decided to "move on" (ha ha) i began dating a lot and eventually started a relationship with someone else. I had fun, and felt extremely comfortable but something was missing. I didn't have that magic with him, the feeling of release and passion just wasn't there. I couldn't pursue that relationship any further after I realized too many old feelings still remained. "moving on" didn't work so well. It's been over a year since then and I have continued to date and have minuet relationships in the mix but I still couldn't shake Him off.
Until Now...
My outlook is different now. My heart is finally healed, and I know this because it's not just repaired after having been broken, it's actually whole again. I feel like i can do anything. I can meet anyone, see anything, go anywhere! My education is my passion, Nursing is my Love, and the Gospel holds me together. I have so much hope in the future. This IS the beginning of the rest of my life, and what a wonderful way to start it. I get to serve everyday in the lives of people who need healing. It is so humbling to see pure gratitude in a persons eyes as they look to you for help, comfort, safety, love, knowledge, and compassion. I get the opportunity to care for patients in their final days. I have never felt the spirit so strong as the day I connected with one of my patients. I'll share the story with you.
I was going through my CNA training and I was almost finished with the program. I had been assigned a woman who need a hoyer lift (machine to lift patients out of bed in to a chair) to be able to get out of bed. These machines can often times be terrifying to patients because it's a giant sling that lifts them, and they fell like it will drop them. Imagine being lifted up by a blanket (Like the stork brings babies:) and maneuvered all around. Not to mention adding 75 years of life, dementia, a few strokes, loss of eye site, and the loss of speech. To put you in her shoes, she was confused, had no clue where she was, partially blind, had people she didn't know touching her all the time, she can't speak or communicated, and then she gets tossed into this hoyer that is noisy, shaky, and scary. How terrifying!!! Rightfully so, she would scream every time they used the hoyer. I was told by the other CNA's that it's ok just keep going she does this every time. I had not moved her yet but i was determined to somehow make it less frightening for her.
Before I brought the hoyer in, I went into her room and just started talking to her. I could see it in her face that she understood what I was saying. Then I knelt down beside her bed and gently took her hand as I spoke. She mumbled back a lot and every once in a while would say words like, "that's nice, and you're kind". I felt as if we had become friends instantaneously. Her spirit was so bright, and her eyes had so much emotion behind them.
It was now time to move her so I left and brought back the hoyer. You always need two people to work a hoyer lift and so I had to grab the CNA who had warned me to basically ignore her screaming. Once again as we began to lift her from the bed she began to scream and tremble. It was at that moment that the spirit directed me. I took both of her hands as tears rolled down her face, I got very close and I began to sing to her my favorite Hymns.
As soon as I started to sing she stopped crying. She looked at me for a few moments and then like a miracle, she smiled and started to hum along.
As long as she had been there, she had never been moved without crying.
This is my life. Can you feel why I love it? My job will be to Love people, love them and know how to help them. They have healed my heart, Heavenly father knew that this was exactly where I would grow to my fullest potential. I knew that when I prayed asking what career I should choose. I love my life! This is where I am supposed to be right now.
Oh It is Wonderful...Wonderful to me!

Orientation.

Yesterday and today was Nursing orientation! Oh my goodness, i am going to be A NURSE!!! Holy cow. It hit me like a ton of bricks yesterday. I was so excited to lean that i will be in a hospital next week! Up til this point i have been in class, reading books, studying models, and listening to the teacher. Now I will finally have practical application. I won't lie, this scared the pants off me! Do i know enough? Will i be overwhelmed? The professors said that the first month will literally feel like a class 5 hurricane hit. They said that it is so overwhelming that they have counselors on staff strictly for nursing students. The good thing is, they are all pulling for us. They want everyone to succeed, so it's not a scare tactic or a weeding out phase.
I am so excited that i can't even sleep! I got like 3 hours last night and i am Jazzed! Oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh OH MY GOSH! My dream is finally here. I have worked SO hard to get to this point. All the countless hours of studying, the stressful tests, waiting in line at 3 am to get a spot in the science classes i needed, mental shut down after finals, gallons on Mt dew....has all lead up to this point. I am here. My life as a nurse is starting.
Haha and somehow i know that i will look back and think, what a piece of cake pre-nursing was! That is of course in comparison to what is about to come. It's like giving birth to a baby. People can tell you how hard labor is, or how painful it might be, but you don't really know until you actually go through it. It's sometimes terrifying to know that you are about to go through something that some people don't make it through. Something that is SO hard, so strenuous, so life altering....but so worth it.
Here goes. I am so thrilled to be here. Finally! Blood, sweat, tears+ 2 years= Nurse Julie.

Rough Day.

I knew that moving to Cottonwood would be a big change, in fact I even knew that i would have tons of major adjustments to make. I thought that i had prepared myself for what was in store for the next two years....I say this through tearing up eyes...I was not even close to prepared.



I have spent the entire week cleaning my room (which was perfectly clean by my Fathers standards) and i still have a ways to go. I have tried to describe the conditions of my room to some of my friends but i don't think that i quite got the point across. Today I finally reached my breaking point. I Have done well up to this point in my opinion, I have kept positive and repeated the saying...Rome was not built in a day. I guess i will give you a little back ground to what has lead up to my melt down.

My original goal was to JUST clean my room so that i could start moving my stuff in and get settled. I said this because i knew that tackling the whole house would be completely unrealistic. My Dad has become quite the bachelor. By this I mean he is incapable of seeing dirt, cobwebs, bugs, dust, grime, clutter, and cat hair. In his defence, he is legally blind in one eye and his eye sight continues to get worse. As for the smells of the house, he has no excuse. He hasn't quite grasped the concept of mildew. He will put a load of wash in and then forget about it. After a few days he might need to wash something else and so he finds the forgotten laundry. Not realizing that it has grown a few friends, he puts it in the dryer as if it was just washed. Unfortunately a few laundry sheets will disguise the smell just enough so not to notice. That's when you get the nice surprise of getting out of the shower and snuggling your wet face into a stank mildew towel! Poor man, i don't know how he has made it this long with out a woman's influence.

Day 1 :
I started with my bathroom. It was safe, (so i thought) small, and totally do-able. I crawled into the tub pants rolled up, bleach in hand, and went to work. The grime and calcium build up put up quite the fight but i was determined to win. Then i noticed that the water wasn't draining for some reason. As i got close I saw a big black object clogging most of the drain. Who knows what it could be, a hair ball, a sock, anything is possible. So I tried to push down the stopper when i heard a loud "CRUNCH" and simultaneously a long harry leg starts flailing from the black glob! I screamed when i realized that it was a HUGE brown recluse spider. I crunched it a few more times and doused it in bleach, just so that i could be sure it was dead. After that it was just bug after bug, spider after spider. They were everywhere in my room! I took a shop vac and tried to vacuum every corner and crevice. All of which were infested with massive cobwebs, dirt, and spiders.
Day 2-4:
I had trouble sleeping because i kept feeling little critters run across me throughout the night. I thought that i was just my imagination and tried to convince myself to relax and let it go. Well, it wasn't my imagination. I woke up covered in bites ranging from in between my toes to my scalp. Awesome...
Trying not to scratch, I began my cleaning expedition again! Even though i had worked all the day before, my room still looked awful:( ....Rome was not built in a day. Here I go.

Windows (count 7 including sliding glass door): de-gritify 6 years of never being cleaned. Windex how i love thee

Ledges: Scrape off dried cat vomit in 4 different locations. Scrub of dirt and dust. Clorox wipes how i love thee

Organize the Many antiques Daddy decorated my room with.... As well as Bambie hanging from the wall. Sorry dad but the dead deer head has got to go!

Day 5: The Melt Down

Somehow i wish i could describe the extent of all that happen this day but i don't think i can. The cleaning that i have been doing over the last few days has not been any ordinary cleaning job. Believe me, i have cleaned houses to supplement my income and people can be pretty gross. I myself can get really gross, I shed worse than anyone I know. Spending 5 days from morning til night cleaning one room should make just about anyone lose their marbles.
What was the breaking point.....
I am crouched over on my hands and knees scrubbing the floors and behind the toilet. My head is pounding because I have inhaled too much ammonia. My back is solidified in a hunch position. My feet and legs are asleep because I have been sitting on them for hours. Then I look at my fingers, almost every one of my cuticles is bleeding and burning from the products. I start to cry.
Just as I start to wipe the tears away i forget that my hands are covered in ammonia....OUCH!!!!
Now i am in full balling mode and running to the sink to wash my eyes out. I still don't quite know my way around the bathroom and in my panic i ran head first into the wooden cabinet. OUCH!!!! UGH! Finally i get to the sink and rinse out my eyes. I sat on the edge of the bathtub and balled for about 5 minutes and then felt ten times better. As i was collecting my thoughts and gearing up to be positive again, i looked down and saw a spider crawling up my leg.
At this point i just started cracking up and then i flicked him off my shin.

I feel much better after having written this. I know that i will get settled in, school will start, and i will have the time of my life pursuing my dream. Hard days will come, and thankfully I have the Gospel to always make my day better. I am also so thankful to my sister who let me cry on the phone to her. She is the absolute best!
Alright life! I cried and now i am ready to get back in the ring with you! Bring it on:)

The First Blog...

Hello Blog!
With the help of my sister and my friends i hope to get the hang of this blog world. I never thought that i would have a blog before i got married because i didn't think that anyone would be interested in my single life. As it turns out I never have a dull moment in my life. I think that this will be a fun way to share my thoughts in a journal sort of way. So if you would like to keep up on my life... read on. I will try to update this blog as i dig my way through Nursing school and life. My love life alone could have it's own blog at times! Here goes...a life of Jewels. The good, bad, beautiful, fun life of Jewels!