Life is Grand!

I have just finished the first week of nursing school! It is so awesome and I know that I am going to love it. All week I have felt like I'm in the right place, like I truly belong. I have been thinking a lot about medical school or becoming a Nurse Practitioner. I have decided that as long as I am single, I am going to continue my education. A family would be my first choice but I don't really have control in some of those aspects. I have had a lot of dreams lately about babies. My babies, other people's babies, and being pregnant. Let me tell you, it's a stress dream when you find out that you're pregnant even though there is NO POSSIBLE way you could be! Lol Anyway, I want to take my education to the max. Though I will always put having a family and children first, I want to continue pursuing medicine as long as possible.
For the past few years I wanted to get married so desperately. I longed for the companionship of a husband. Someone to invest everything in. I even thought I knew exactly who I wanted that person to be. I would have given anything to be with him two years ago. I knew with all my heart that I wanted to marry him, so you can imagine my shock when I found out that he didn't quite feel the same...understatement of the year. Still, I thought that I couldn't love someone THAT much and not have it work out in the end. After all he did want to end up with me...just several years down the road...Right? I put myself back together and decided to "move on" (ha ha) i began dating a lot and eventually started a relationship with someone else. I had fun, and felt extremely comfortable but something was missing. I didn't have that magic with him, the feeling of release and passion just wasn't there. I couldn't pursue that relationship any further after I realized too many old feelings still remained. "moving on" didn't work so well. It's been over a year since then and I have continued to date and have minuet relationships in the mix but I still couldn't shake Him off.
Until Now...
My outlook is different now. My heart is finally healed, and I know this because it's not just repaired after having been broken, it's actually whole again. I feel like i can do anything. I can meet anyone, see anything, go anywhere! My education is my passion, Nursing is my Love, and the Gospel holds me together. I have so much hope in the future. This IS the beginning of the rest of my life, and what a wonderful way to start it. I get to serve everyday in the lives of people who need healing. It is so humbling to see pure gratitude in a persons eyes as they look to you for help, comfort, safety, love, knowledge, and compassion. I get the opportunity to care for patients in their final days. I have never felt the spirit so strong as the day I connected with one of my patients. I'll share the story with you.
I was going through my CNA training and I was almost finished with the program. I had been assigned a woman who need a hoyer lift (machine to lift patients out of bed in to a chair) to be able to get out of bed. These machines can often times be terrifying to patients because it's a giant sling that lifts them, and they fell like it will drop them. Imagine being lifted up by a blanket (Like the stork brings babies:) and maneuvered all around. Not to mention adding 75 years of life, dementia, a few strokes, loss of eye site, and the loss of speech. To put you in her shoes, she was confused, had no clue where she was, partially blind, had people she didn't know touching her all the time, she can't speak or communicated, and then she gets tossed into this hoyer that is noisy, shaky, and scary. How terrifying!!! Rightfully so, she would scream every time they used the hoyer. I was told by the other CNA's that it's ok just keep going she does this every time. I had not moved her yet but i was determined to somehow make it less frightening for her.
Before I brought the hoyer in, I went into her room and just started talking to her. I could see it in her face that she understood what I was saying. Then I knelt down beside her bed and gently took her hand as I spoke. She mumbled back a lot and every once in a while would say words like, "that's nice, and you're kind". I felt as if we had become friends instantaneously. Her spirit was so bright, and her eyes had so much emotion behind them.
It was now time to move her so I left and brought back the hoyer. You always need two people to work a hoyer lift and so I had to grab the CNA who had warned me to basically ignore her screaming. Once again as we began to lift her from the bed she began to scream and tremble. It was at that moment that the spirit directed me. I took both of her hands as tears rolled down her face, I got very close and I began to sing to her my favorite Hymns.
As soon as I started to sing she stopped crying. She looked at me for a few moments and then like a miracle, she smiled and started to hum along.
As long as she had been there, she had never been moved without crying.
This is my life. Can you feel why I love it? My job will be to Love people, love them and know how to help them. They have healed my heart, Heavenly father knew that this was exactly where I would grow to my fullest potential. I knew that when I prayed asking what career I should choose. I love my life! This is where I am supposed to be right now.
Oh It is Wonderful...Wonderful to me!