A Rant, a Warning, a Truth

I has been too long since I have posted last. I was reassured by some that my blog actually is read so I shall keep posting.
What to say,
I think a lot about what I want to talk about on here, and then I get here and it all seems to leave me. I guess I will start with an update. Ryan and I broke up. He is an amazing guy, shy at times, fun to be with, caring, handsome, sassy, sarcastic, spiritual...I'm sure I could go on and on. Yet even with all these attributes I knew that he was not my husband. He was not "the one". This brings me to a common question, WHY!?! ugh. Why was it not there for us? Thankfully he felt the same and we are able to remain good friends. I guess the good thing is that I know I have not settled for just having anyone. That's the difference, I want my someone not just anyone. Knowing what you want, and having high standards sure makes it Ridiculously Freaking hard to get married!!! Also the lack of confidence I have in men and their ability to be stalwart presents a challenge. Why is it that they are so few and far between? And when you see them...they are already married or engaged:) Do I dare let myself hope that I will find a someone? Or is it easier to plan on it not happening and get pleasantly surprised if it does? "It always happens when you aren't looking for it" Seriously people? That's what you're going to tell me? lol. Ok I will not look at or pay any attention to the Giant Pink Elephant in the room, who happens to be breathing down my neck. Oh goodness.
I need to say something and it is not pretty... I have lost entirely too much faith in men.
Even so...I can't help but hope. Some sliver inside me hopes that I will find that someone. And I have hope that this someone will not make me suffer the same fate.
To my someone: Please....I Beg you...don't let me down