A Rant, a Warning, a Truth

I has been too long since I have posted last. I was reassured by some that my blog actually is read so I shall keep posting.
What to say,
I think a lot about what I want to talk about on here, and then I get here and it all seems to leave me. I guess I will start with an update. Ryan and I broke up. He is an amazing guy, shy at times, fun to be with, caring, handsome, sassy, sarcastic, spiritual...I'm sure I could go on and on. Yet even with all these attributes I knew that he was not my husband. He was not "the one". This brings me to a common question, WHY!?! ugh. Why was it not there for us? Thankfully he felt the same and we are able to remain good friends. I guess the good thing is that I know I have not settled for just having anyone. That's the difference, I want my someone not just anyone. Knowing what you want, and having high standards sure makes it Ridiculously Freaking hard to get married!!! Also the lack of confidence I have in men and their ability to be stalwart presents a challenge. Why is it that they are so few and far between? And when you see them...they are already married or engaged:) Do I dare let myself hope that I will find a someone? Or is it easier to plan on it not happening and get pleasantly surprised if it does? "It always happens when you aren't looking for it" Seriously people? That's what you're going to tell me? lol. Ok I will not look at or pay any attention to the Giant Pink Elephant in the room, who happens to be breathing down my neck. Oh goodness.
I need to say something and it is not pretty... I have lost entirely too much faith in men.
Even so...I can't help but hope. Some sliver inside me hopes that I will find that someone. And I have hope that this someone will not make me suffer the same fate.
To my someone: Please....I Beg you...don't let me down

Study Break Post time

It's Friday night and I am doing homework. Obviously right now I am taking a break and posting a blog. I have much that I am thinking about. I have been so blessed lately. Actually I have been so blessed for years. This past Monday I had an exam that I totally spaced until TWO days before. I had mixed up my classes and thought that the NSG exam was on the 26th and the Pharmacology exam was on the 3rd. Well the Pharm test was on the 26th and I figured this out on the 24th!!!! CRAP! I needed at lease a week to prepare for this exam. I decided not to freak out because what would that do? You can't read through tears so they would have been a waste of valuable time.

Just breathe... and do what you can Julie, there is nothing else to do.

I told Ryan what had happened and he was very supportive, even though this meant the day we had planned to spend together would be spent studying :( He fed me and then took a nap next to me as I studied. Sweet man :) Later on Ryan's mom suggested that I get a blessing.... Why didn't I think of that? Brilliant. I called sister McGuire to see if Bishop could give me a much needed blessing the next day. They had been in Utah for Kristin's graduation from BYU (woot woot!), and wouldn't be home until late Sunday night. I needed to study so I knew that I couldn't stay in Flag that long and wait. I didn't (and still don't) Know who my home teachers were , and I didn't know ANY priesthood in Cottonwood. Then sister McGuire offered her house as a study place until they got home. I love that woman. She is unbelievably kind and gracious. I could never thank her enough for everything that she has done for me. Over the years she has gone out of her way to make me feel loved. I appreciate her and I know that Heavenly Father put the McGuire family in my life to show me how much he loves and watches over me. I am deeply grateful and can't express my love for ALL of them in simple words.

After conference, Sunday was spend studying as hard as I could. I prayed that my mind could comprehend and retain information. The family came home around 7:30 and Bishop gave me a blessing. I felt so comforted. I was not stressed and I knew that I had done everything that I could do. I had faith to know that Heavenly Father would help me. I went to bed that night around one, woke up at five and studied until my exam at 8. I went into the exam with a clear mind. I read the questions carefully and I made sure to do my best. I have to explain a little background now, I have been really struggling in this class. You need a 75 or better in order to pass and I had done horribly on the last two exams. If I needed anything, it was to do well on this one. Still, I didn't let fear in. I was strong and did my best. So what did I get???

.............

I passed with a 96 %

Absolutely unbelievable! The best score that I have gotten all semester. The church is true. Not because I scored a 96, but because the lord acts through the priesthood of this TRUE church to bless us in our time of need. I needed him. I could not have done that without help. He calmed my mind, cleared my mind, strengthened my mind, and blessed me. The priesthood is such a beautifully tender pathway for the Lord to give blessings. I feel the closest to my Savior through prayer, Temple attendance, and the holy priesthood.

I am not only thankful for the priesthood that is in my life but for the priesthood that blesses my sister. The wonderful men in her ward have been there for her. Her bishop loves her. I pray that someday she can have the blessing of a worthy priesthood holder in her home. Until then, I thank the amazing men and women of her ward. She deserves NONE of what has been done to her! This church will carry her, and I am so thankful that she and I are apart of it.

I just wanted to blog about this. I don't want to forget the blessings I have.

I love this Church, I love the Temple, I love my FAMILY!

The beginnings

I thought it was time to post some pictures of the guy that is making me happy these days:)

I now look forward to weekends as more than just some good study time. I get to see Him.

This picture was taken on his birthday after we got home from a yummy yummy dinner with his parents.

Ryan....Thanks for making me happy:)

Something new....

It has been a while since I have had something new... and by something new I mean SomeONE new. Who da thunk it would be someone I have technically known since I was thirteen. We met when he moved to Flagstaff, I was in 8th grade and he was a year behind me. Even though he is older than me, I thought of him as younger because of school. All through high school, it was the (pat pat on the shoulder) "Aw you're so cute" from me. We didn't have any interest in each other.


Fast forward 10 years and now I find myself looking at and pursuing (and being pursued by:) quite a handsome, spiritual, MAN.


SO...I guess we'll just see what happens. I am enjoying this.


*Note* I know I blogged and so that makes it public but we are ONLY in the small beginnings.


More updates will follow.

I just thought this was funny:)

Complete and total awesomeness!

Can I get a WOO HOO, AW YEAH, YEE HAW, WHAT UP, THAT'S RIGHT!?!?!
Life just keeps getting better and better. I found out yesterday that I got the apprenticeship that I was hoping to get over the summer. Actually, I was hoping for anything and this FAR exceeded my expectations! I have been looking at hospital internships and programs that I can do over the summer. Any nursing student who does this has quite the advantage in the real world once they come out (from under the rock that is school). I have been determined to find one, interview, and get it! But all the ones I found are in different states :( I really wanted to go back HOME for the summer and be with my Sissy, family and friends. I started at the closest hospitals and then moved farther and farther away from my house, still no luck. Most of the internships were for science, microbiology, or cardiac based. I would take a cardiac if I had to but it is not my favorite. You learn to read ECG, Eco's, and a few other things that I can do by myself during study time. Maybe I just have a bad taste in my mouth for cardio because of the ego inflated x-ray tech's I have worked with who seem to ALWAYS get offended at everything! Seriously? grow some confidence and don't be such a pain in the butt to work with.
Anyway, back to the awesomeness! Here I am looking for anything when it dawns on me, Why have I not been looking for a job that I actually want to do? A job that I am totally passionate about? Duh Julie! Midwifery. That's when the pieces started falling together. I started interviewing with a midwife from the valley over the phone, and she offered me a few different options. Then I investigated learning from her and finding out what would benefit me the most for the three months I would be there. Long story short...
I am going to be A MIDWIFE APPRENTICE over the summer!!!!! And during this time I will be taking classes with a Doula so that I will be able to be a CERTIFIED DOULA by the summers end! This is exactly what I have dreamed of! I am going to have another stepping stone to add towards my dream. This will also open up the avenue of working through school and hopefully taking clients. This is going to be the best summer! I am going to learn so much and I can't wait! Darn it's only February!!! Well I will just keep on learning all that I can until then. We put in IV's today, so fun :) I really like IV's but they still scare me. They scare me only because the IV's that I have done have been extremely easy, and that's not always how it is in the real world. People can be in bad shape and their veins can be next to impossible. I pray that this will be a skill that I am the absolute best at. I need to be! I will be putting IV's into fragile infants, and I WILL be the best, no matter what it takes. I want mothers and babies to feel that they receive undoubtedly the best care possible from Julie Ann.
I am so happy and my life is So blessed. I hope that I am thankful enough for all that heavenly father has done for me.
Mesa, Midwifery, loved ones,
I am coming home:)

I am ready for it to be Summer

Well i have been ready for it to be summer since the first chill back in October. I have discovered that I really don't care for the cold. I am a Mesa girl through and through now. I miss my warm home. I am loving nursing school and am tollerating Cottonwood:) Once I made up my mind to like it here I have really started to see the good in it. I like...

-that everyone waves at you as you pass by in your car,

-people make eye contact and say Hello,

-I have a favorite sanwich guy and he knows my order,

-I actually know my neighbors,

-It costs 5 buck for the local theater,

-I get fresh eggs everyday from my ten pet chickens. I have 2 favorite chickens named Phoenix (she is dark red and absolutely beautiful!) and Spitfire (she chases me around and is the fastest, meanest, funnest, chicken we have)

This is Phoenix
And this is Spitfire

Those are just a few things about Cottonwood that have grown on me:)

I have not had much time to blog because I have not had much time to do anything but go to the hospital, study, sleep, and eat. Sleeping is optional at this point. I never thought that I could go without my sleep but I am doing it. It's only because this whole experience is so Worth it! I was able to be in the Operating Room this last Tuesday and I loved it. I got there at 6:30 am and literally did not sit down for ELEVEN hours! Not kidding! I thought my knee caps were going to fall off. Usually students get to see two or three surgeries at the most because it it so long to stand. I saw FIVE! Aw it was so freaking awesome! I observed a hysterectomy, a lower anterior colon resection, a cholecystectomy, exploratory laparotomy, and a hip nodule excision. I was so high after surgery that it made me want to go to Medical school....Mmmm

Medical school would be sweet but I don't think that it is what I really want for my Career. Being a MD would restrict my patient relationship in a way that I am not willing to accept. The Doctorate of Nurse practitioner would be a MUCH better fit for me:)

I have dreams of working through a Midwifery clinic and having all the skills required to bring as many wonderful babies as I can safely into this world.

My heart overflows with Joy when I think about children and babies. The miracle of birth is something that I cherish with my whole soul and I look forward to the day when I can begin delivering babies for others and hopefully (far in the future) delivering my own:)

New year, New post

I have been busy down in the Valley and have not taken the time to blog over the last month. I had an absolute blast during the break. I was able to see so many friends and hang out with my family. The best part was catching up on sleep! Ahhhh it felt so good to sleep in til noon. Yup I don't mess around when It comes to sleeping in. I listen to my body and if It's tiered, then I let it sleep as long as it wants. Now when I am in school I have to keep the early morning schedule so naturally, naps are essential. Sleep = Happy Julie...The end! If I am not rested I am anything but a ball of sunshine.

School starts this Wednesday and I am really excited! I am looking forward to being in the hospital and learning more so that I can feel more competent. The hardest thing for me is when I am faced with a problem that I don't know the answer to. Someone is sick or hurting and in need of care that I do not yet know how to provide. I am fully set on being the most capable and knowledgeable Nurse so that I can help as many people as possible.

In other news, I have started P90X! And I have made it a goal to stick with it and to get healthy! Over the past few years I have put on the pounds. Thankfully my body does well in gaining weight all over and not just in certain areas. This has also been why I haven't made it the priority I should have. The difference has been so very slight that it was hard to acknowledge that I truly was gaining as much weight as the scale showed. I thought well...I still look ok even though the scale told me I gained ten pounds...I'm alright as long as I don't gain anymore. Well that has not been happening. I have gained 38 pounds over the last five years, and I have gone from a size 8 to a 14! Yikes!! Wow typing that makes it even More real. I decided to blog about it simply because I don't want to let myself get back in the, "as long as I don't gain anymore I'm fine" mode. I do that as a way to opt out of losing weight and putting in all the effort I know is necessary. This is not healthy, my BMI is WAY too high, and I am going to stop it now. The goal is to be healthy, Feel healthy, Eat healthy,and live healthy. I care about my body and I don't want to look back ten years from now and wish I had done something to change my bad habits. I see my patients who have treated their body's like trash for a lifetime and now have a death sentence for it. Hypertension, Diabetes, obesity...the list goes on and on. I love my heart, I love my lungs, and I love myself enough to get and stay healthy. Wish me luck! I will need it :)